Slow and steady as it goes

Well, today I was back on hare duty, so naturally the first challenge was getting myself to the run site.

Thankfully, I managed to blag a lift from one of my fellow hares. Cheers for that, mate. Although, if we're being honest, I'm only a bus ride away from the run site, and it's somewhere we know by heart, so absolutely no need for Reccy. We arrived a leisurely fifteen minutes late, which by Sri Lankan standards isn't actually late. That's just Colombo timekeeping operating at full efficiency. The GM was already there, waiting for us and looking suspiciously organised. Clearly he hasn't yet accepted that punctuality is merely a suggestion in Sri Lanka.

We took a brief look at the map. The lead hare had an idea, so naturally we went with it. And where did we start? Shiggy. Lots of it. A proper long slog through the green stuff. I did have a moment of concern that the runners might get themselves hopelessly lost in there. Then I remembered something rather important. The lead hare would be running it too. Problem solved. If the runners got lost, at least the hare would know exactly where the bloody trail was. Eventually we emerged onto some road work. Now, when I'm walking, I'm a simple man. Give me a path, and I'll happily stick to the left. That's pretty much my entire road-running strategy.

Keep left. Don't get run over. Find beer. Unfortunately, keeping left creates one small problem. I have an astonishing ability to miss trail marks on the left-hand side. It's not that I don't look. I just appear to possess a special talent for looking everywhere except where the bloody mark actually is. A bit more road work followed, and, because apparently the hares hadn't suffered enough, we were soon heading back towards another paddy. Thankfully, this one was a small one. Clearly the hares were beginning to feel guilty. Back onto the road again, and the lead hare decided to leave us walkers to our own devices while he went off to add another kilometre to the trail. We, meanwhile, headed back towards base. And naturally, we stopped for a King Coconut on the way. Well, when there's a King Coconut available, you drink the bloody thing. That's not a shortcut. That's hydration.

Back at base, the crowd was starting to build, and everyone seemed to be in high spirits. The pack headed off pretty much on time, which was a pleasant surprise. A few people came back early. SCB, I presume. The walkers had plenty of chances to interpret the trail creatively if they wanted to. The runners eventually came back looking very pleased with themselves. And quite rightly so. They had followed the entire trail. 8.67 kilometres. Yes, the runners actually followed the trail. All of it. Someone alert the Hash Flash. This could be a historic occasion.

The rest of the walkers arrived back on time as well, so from a trail perspective, everything had gone rather suspiciously well.

Then came Circle. Thankfully, Circle was handed over to someone else, which was a refreshing change. I was able to sit back, behave myself and let someone else take responsibility for whatever chaos unfolded.
And, surprisingly, it went rather well. It was entertaining; everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, and nobody appeared to need legal representation afterwards. A successful Circle by any reasonable hashing standard.

Then came food. And, following requests from some of our more mature members, we had non-spicy food. Because apparently some hashers have now reached the stage in life where black pepper requires a risk assessment. Still, everyone was fed and nobody needed medical attention, so we'll call that another success.

A quick side note before I disappear for a month.
We have a new Trail Master. Best of luck with that role. I know you'll take it seriously, so I'm excited for some great trails. Interesting routes, decent paper and just enough shiggy to make everyone question their life choices. As for me, the webmaster is going on his on-out for a month. Yes, you lucky bastards get a break from this particular muppet. Enjoy the peace. Don't get used to it.

🍺 Support Your Local Hashes

CH4, Mixed Wednesday Hash – The new kid on the block, although judging by the amount of beer being consumed, we're growing up rather quickly. Come for the trail; stay because you've forgotten where you parked the car.

CH3, Mixed Saturday Hash – Saturday is where sensible people pretend they're going for a gentle weekend walk and then return covered in mud, sweat and questionable decisions. Bring shoes you don't particularly like.

PMSH3, Ladies Only Monthly Hash – The ladies don't need runners to create chaos. They manage perfectly well without them. Expect sharp tongues, excellent trails and men everywhere else wondering what the hell they're missing.

FMH3, Mixed Full Moon Monthly Hash – Because apparently hashing in daylight wasn't difficult enough. Add darkness, a full moon, a few beers and hares who think "you can see the paper perfectly well" is a reasonable statement. Bring a torch and leave your dignity at home.

Support all the kennels. Saturday, Monday, Wednesday, Full Moon and PMS. Different hashes, different crowds, same fundamental objective. Get lost. Find beer. Lie about how much fun you had.

On On, you magnificent collection of reprobates.